He is feisty and fun in equal measure. On the cricket field he is a real fighter who neither gives an inch to the opposition nor expects any. In the dressing room, around his mates he is the guy who makes everyone smile. But there is more to Harbhajan Singh than meets the eye, as was evident from his candid, straight-from-the-heart chat with bcci.tv in Zimbabwe. The seasoned off-spinner, who made a comeback to international cricket in India’s recent Test in Bangladesh, after a hiatus of two years, looked back at the time he spent away from the team. He introduced us to the man behind the jovial demeanour and the feisty cricketer. Here is the story of Harbhajan Singh’s comeback in his own words. How did it feel to be on the field again wearing the India colours? It felt wonderful. It was the moment I had waited for for two years. There wasn’t a single minute during those two years when I thought I would not play international cricket again. I always believed that I will play for India again and win matches. So, when I got on the field for the Bangladesh Test, I was really pleased and relieved that I was finally where I wanted to be. Now I need to continue to work hard on my game in order to keep doing my bit for the team. How was it bowling in the Test – did you have to feel your way in, just start with trying to bowl accurately first before experimenting? When I started bowling, I wanted to get settled first since I was playing a Test after a long gap. There was a feeling of anxiety before the match. I just wanted it to begin quickly and get that ball in my hand. When I did come on to bowl, for the first three-four overs I didn’t try to do much, just land the ball in the right areas. Once I got settled, I told myself, ‘Okay, just give your best now and do what you know you can do’. My team-mates were all the young guys who have seen me bowl for years. They all got behind me, cheering me on and making a lot of noise for every good ball I bowled. They made me very comfortable and I really enjoyed the whole experience. This was a completely different team from the one you last played with, with a new captain as well. What kind of chat did Virat have with you before the Test and how did they all help you in settling down those nerves? When I walked into the dressing room and looked around, there were all new faces. It felt good to know that with so many new guys in the team, I was still around. We had a briefing in the dressing room where Virat addressed the team and mentioned me. He said, ‘We are looking for you to come and help us get those 20 wickets. We want you to be a part of us for this season and help us win Test matches because that is our goal – to win every Test match we play. We want you to help the other bowlers get into the frame of mind of picking wickets with your experience and skills’. Ravi (Shastri) bhai too was full of words and that gave me a lot of confidence. It made me feel wanted. After that it was all back to normal, like it was two years back. Talk me through the time when you got dropped. How did you take it? Initially when I was dropped, I didn’t get too disheartened. I took it on the chin thinking if I am not selected today, I will, tomorrow. Every time the Indian team was to be announced, I hoped my name would be on the list. When it wasn’t, I got upset and disappointed each time and I had to distract myself to get out of that zone. Did you analyse why it happened and try to find answers? There could be various reasons. My form could be one and also fitness. Another factor could be that when you have had something for a long time, you forget that you could lose it. When you do lose it, it hits you hard and suddenly you realise what that thing meant to you. You miss it. Then you realise, ‘I should probably have worked a bit harder’. You wonder, ‘What could I have done more so that I wouldn’t have been dropped’? I am not saying I had lost the fire. It was always there. I always wanted to continue to play for India. But when you do something for so long, it sometimes gets to you. You are doing the same thing over and over again every day and monotony can creep in. That could be one of the reasons even if only one per cent of them. When I was dropped, it came as a jolt. I didn’t know what to do. It took some time for the reality to sink in. I was told I had to play the Ranji Trophy and other domestic matches to regain my place back in the team. I tried my best to play as many matches as I could and do everything I could to come back. But when you have played at the highest level for so long, it is very difficult to find that motivation of playing at a lower level. You are playing a Ranji match but thinking of Test cricket. You are not giving your 100 per cent attention to what you are doing. That is wrong. You can have Test cricket at the back of your mind as your ultimate goal but your focus should be on the game you’re playing now. It was a challenge for me to attain that frame of mind. I couldn’t get out of the rut of thoughts like, ‘Why is this happening to me? I am the same guy, the same bowler’. It took me a while but finally I started to accept the situation as it was and instead of wallowing and sulking, I started to ask myself, ‘What can I do?’ Also, while I had the long-term goal of playing for India again, I also started to live by the day. Every morning I would ask myself, ‘What can I do to make today a good day?’ Was there anything technically wrong with your bowling that your realised led to you being dropped? More than the technique, I was probably trying too hard to make things happen too early. I didn’t give myself enough time to settle down and got a little impatient for wickets. That could have led to me bowling a lot quicker through the air and that hampered the number of revolutions I got on the ball. When you’re bowling, sometimes you feel it’s all going well. But when you come off the field reflect, you realise, ‘Oh, I should have done this or that differently. Had I tried this, the results would have been better’. Also, my body was tired at that time. I suffered a muscle-tear in my stomach in West Indies in the series where I completed 400 Test wickets. I felt pretty alright before the match and I really wanted to play that game. But during the match the pain got worse and I ignored it and continued to bowl. I bowled 40-odd overs and in the process aggravated the injury. I went to England and played the Lord’s Test with a lot of pain. It was only after I went for scans later that I realized it was a grade-one tear in the abdominal muscle. By the time my injury was healed Ashwin had come into the team and did really well in that season. He is a very good guy and understands the game very well. I am really happy he has done well for India and hope he continues doing so. The whole process of making a comeback becomes all the more difficult when the person replacing you is doing a good job. Sometimes, I looked back and wondered if that injury didn’t happen when it did, I would never have lost my place in the team. But then I realized there is no point thinking about that. When we go through a tough phase in our lives, we emerge much wiser from it. How did those two years change your attitude towards life? I made a conscious decision to be happy no matter what because I realized there is more to life than cricket. As international cricketers we are so consumed by this small world around us that consists of cricket grounds, hotels and airports that we lose touch with the outside world. Every small setback inside our little bubble seems so big. Spending these two years away from all that helped me put things in perspective. I realized that even when you are playing, you have to learn to leave the game to the ground. Earlier, I used to bring it back with me to my hotel room. I used to play one match on the ground and then another in my room in my head. I used to analyse my bowling, probably more than the experts did. There were times when I picked wickets and everyone was all praise for me. But in my head I knew I didn’t bowl well. In the last couple of years I have calmed down a lot in that regards. Yes, cricket is something that gives me the most happiness. It has given me so much in life that no matter what I do, I will never be able to repay it. But at the same time, there is other life away from cricket. And I have realized that now. Once you start living that life, you will be more relaxed and happier, which will eventually make you better at your sport. What was your support system like? How id your family and friends react to the person you were during this phase? My family members saw me and thought, ‘What has happened to him? He doesn’t talk to anyone, has become so irritable and moody’. They were really worried about me. The anger and frustration had crept into my nature and personality, which was not right and I had to help myself to get out of that. I had no right to behave in such manner with my family, friends and close ones because it wasn’t their fault that I was dropped from the Indian team. Then I decided to change my ways for them and get out of that negative place I was in. And they were always there, helping me get out of it. I made a conscious effort to forget everything else and be grateful for these people around me. Since I made that change, I have been happy. Every match I have played after that, I played it telling myself how lucky I was to be playing the game I love, whether it is a Ranji game, a domestic one-day game or in the IPL. I was living a dream. This dream has to end one day so why not enjoy every moment of it while it lasts? I was in constant touch with my friends in cricket as well, relived some fine memories with my old team-mates and spent time with them. I realized that this is my real earning. My life in cricket will end one day but these friendships and the brotherhood will last forever. So, why am I complaining? Who were the coaches you worked with during those two years? I worked quite a lot with Bharat Arun at the NCA. His knowledge on technique and biomechanics is amazing. I worked a lot with him on my body positioning, foot landing, delivery point, etc. When I was back in Punjab, I called my old coach Devender Arora and worked with him. With him it was more about talking and enjoying the bowling. The sessions lasted as long as I enjoyed it, whether it was 30 minutes, an hour or four hours. Did you also work on your fitness? I worked hard on my fitness. I hired a dietician who made a whole routine for me – what I should and shouldn’t eat, what time I have to sleep and get up. And I followed it properly. Besides that I also started to train well. I wanted to get stronger and get the best out of my body. I worked hard on that and now I love it. Earlier, I didn’t go to the gym very often. I remember Zak and Ashish used to persuade me to go to the gym with them and I was not really interested. I used to tell them that I will just do running. I love to run. When the trainer used to call, I went and did the stuff. But I never had any other understanding about the fitness routine. Now I have a routine and if I don’t do it, I feel there’s something missing. It’s like going without food for a day. You don’t feel good about it. Now even when I don’t go to the gym, I do something or the other in my room – exercises for stability, abs or whatever that makes me feel that I did something today. I feel so much fitter and stronger now. I have a lot more energy. After the age of 30 you have to work harder on maintaining your body as a sportsman. My recovery is good now; I don’t feel as tired after playing a match. So, I have learned all these things. No I believe that fitness is something that everybody should focus on, not only sportspersons. It is something that you should do for a healthy life. Between the last Test you played before being dropped and your comeback in Bangladesh, India played 88 matches. How many of those did you watch? Was there any particular match you really wished you were a part of? I really wanted to play Sachin paaji’s farewell Test, against West Indies. I so wanted to be a part of it. I wanted to be there for him at the ground. That was one match I watched on the TV. I watched him play his last innings for India and really wished I could be there. Apart from that, honestly, I didn’t really watch all the matches closely. I did keep a tab on the team’s performances; who scored the runs and took the wickets. It was my team that was playing and I was always curious as to how much Dhoni scored or how Virat did. I kept a watch on when we won and lost and caught up on the highlights. For anyone who is vying for a Test spot, the first-class performances are very crucial. You played 5 matches in 2013-14 Ranji season and 3 this year. Did you think at that time that your road to comeback has gotten tougher? Yes, if you want to come back into the Test team you have to play matches and go through that process. In my case, I started the last Ranji season really well, picked 17 wickets in the first three matches and then had a shoulder injury. I couldn’t play for one and a half month. I really believe that had I continued to play that season, I would have ended up with 40-odd wickets in the tournament. Then I had a shin pain and the season went away again. If I hadn’t got injured, I could have made a comeback much earlier. But there’s no point thinking about it now. You got selected into the Test side for Bangladesh based on your IPL performance. Were you expecting it? IPL is a tournament that everyone watches. It is a big opportunity for everyone to show the world what you are capable of doing. I told the MI trainer, Paul Chapman, one thing before the IPL. I told him, no matter what, I want to stay fit for the next two months and I want to get stronger. I don’t want to feel fatigued at the end of the tournament. There wasn’t a single day during those two months when I didn’t train, irrespective of whether we had a game or were traveling. I had a good trainer and I wanted to make the utmost use of him. He helped me a lot. Sometimes you need someone to push you when you get lazy, and he did that. As far as my selection goes, the selectors must have seen a lot of things. I can tell you from my side that I was looking to bowl slower through the air, turn the ball and entice the batsmen to step out. I was always looking for wickets and bowling the way I would in Test cricket. I told myself that everyone goes for runs in T20s. So, if you have to go for runs, you might as well do it your way, in a way that makes you satisfied at the end of the day that you tried everything you could to take wickets. I never bowled thinking that I have four overs, so let me just get through them and not go for runs. What is your next goal? Stay fit and live every day to the fullest. Don’t think too far, enjoy and be thankful for what you have today. I don’t know what is going to happen five years down the line. I am over that sort of mindset. I want to appreciate what I have right now. Are you looking forward to the Test season in subcontinent where you can play a big part for the team? I do really look forward to this season. I want to enjoy every bit of it and win matches for India. I have taken a lot of stress and pressure playing for India but now I want to enjoy it. I want to be the happiest man on the field and be thankful every day that I am playing the game I love the most.